If you don't have google wave, you won't see this post.

The wave

Up yours, Pandora!

Dear Pandora:

I'm sorry that I listened to your stupid advertisements for my allotted time this month...

I will not pay money to listen to your music. The only reason I suffer through your stupid advertisements is because I was listening to it for free. If I was interested in paying for music to listen to, I would buy the stupid music.

You are a stupid, stupid website that I will probably continue to use next month for 40 hours.... jerks.

Yours,

Lewis

Mastercard Commercial

Wedding ring: a few thousand dollars

Wedding: A few more thousand dollars

Rent for a year at Wymount: $7200

Realizing your wife is as big of a geek as you are: Priceless

Football v. Rugby

I'm no stranger to the BYU student newspaper, the Daily Universe's letters to the editor. Every once in a while, an article like last Tuesday's attack on the BYU Football team will inspire me to put something together... So this was my response; I don't know if it will be published or not.

Tackle Football

American Gridiron Tackle Football is under attack, and I won’t stand for it. Tuesday’s letter to the editor claimed that the BYU Rugby club team deserves as much attention and funding as the BYU Football team. They cited the 2009 National Championship team as proof that they deserve a place at the table next to Bronco and company. This is more than just a slap in the face to the BYU Football team, but a roundhouse kick to the American people, a wedgie to the Declaration of Independence, and a purple nurple to the Constitution!

Men fought and died to keep us out of the British Empire, and the popularity of rugby in this country is disrespectful to those men. International rugby powerhouses include Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Wales and even England. What do those countries have in common? They are all apart of the Commonwealth. Why isn’t rugby popular in America? Why doesn’t ESPN ever cover intercollegiate rugby? Why doesn’t the BYU Athletic department add rugby to our line of already successful sports?

There is neither interest nor money in rugby in America because we won that war. American football may have roots in rugby; but with the invention of the forward pass, American football set itself apart as the greatest sport in the history of mankind. Putting rugby and American football on the same level is wrong, and is dishonoring 223 years of independence this great country has enjoyed. So enjoy rugby as a novelty, but do not mess with American Gridiron Tackle Football.

Lewis Young

Provo, UT

I pledge...

KSL reported a few weeks ago about how angry they were about a movie about Hollywood actors pledging to do their part for the environment, or helping the president meet his goals, or whatever. The movie wasn't the most tactful thing ever, but had a good message: students can improve their lives, and make a difference. The Eagle Forum had a field day with the whole thing, because they felt that showing support for the president in the schools was promoting a liberal agenda. That is reason 403 I think the Eagle Forum full of a bunch of idiots.

Today I saw one of those stupid facebook applications that everybody wants me to see by sending it to my mini-feed. I honestly don't know why some people think I care about which Disney princess they were in a previous life, which WWF superstar from the early 90's their personality reflects, or what month they should get married. I just don't care. If you think I do, I don't. Every once in a while I'll see one that makes me chuckle, but 9,999 times out of 10,000 I roll my eyes and wonder aloud, "Do you honestly think I care?" Sometimes I'm more colorful than that...

Today I saw one, and before I ignored the poster, I took a screen shot of it because I wondered how many people in the country HONESTLY see the world the way the guy that wrote this quiz does.

Let me tell you what bugs me. In the quiz it says "should the pledge be brought back..." In order to be brought back, it would have needed to leave first.

***NEWS FLASH*****

The pledge hasn't gone anywhere. Sure there have been lawsuits and "liberal" judges have ruled that children can opt out of reciting the pledge of allegiance, schools still regularly recite it. To phrase it "be brought back" is language that incites fear into people, and encourages them to complain that they want their America back....

... I hadn't realized America went anywhere.

The pledge has gone through several changes to conform to current events. In the 1950's the U.S. was in a cold war with the U.S.S.R., and to show our strength and connection to Christian ideals, we added "under God" to our pledge. I believe in God, and have no problem with "under God" being in the pledge, but I don't think it is wrong for someone else to have a problem with it. The pledge changed to serve a purpose before, could it change again to serve a new purpose? If a student feels stronglyabout the pledge in my classroom, I would respect their request and invite them to sit out, or stand respectfully.

Anyway, my point is that in America we still say the pledge. If you haven't been in a classroom since you were there as a student, go volunteer. You'll see that classrooms still take part in the pledge once a week, or daily. If volunteering at a school is against your beliefs, then you can feel free to sit out.

The Risen and Shouted.

This was a great weekend. DallyLamma and I discussed how College Football Kickoff Weekend is better than Christmas and Thanksgiving. While Christmas and Thanksgiving each only get one day per year, College Football is the gift that keeps giving from September until January.

Alyssa and I didn't party in the streets like some of our fellow Provonians did, we drove up to Park City to wind down. We watched the game once on ESPN360.com while we were up there. If you failed to watch it, you should do all you can. We watched it again on Sunday night, and it was playing in the BYU Bookstore this morning as I walked through. Incredible game.

Anyway, I think my point is this: I like football lots.

She-Mullet

Before I cut my hair last week I thought it might be a good idea to see what kind of bad hair I could do with my hair. I see some pretty bad haircuts and styles at work, and I figured I might be able to duplicate the haircuts we saw at the demolition derby.

As you can see, the top of the hair is as high as possible, and the front, or "bangs" are curled on the top of the forehead. I've seen some at Home Depot where the bangs begin at one ear, and go all the way over to the other ear. They probably use a ridiculous amount of hairspray and spend a ridiculous amount of time achieving the effect. I did it in about 15 seconds.

While most women at Home Depot who wear this haircut don't have sideburns like I do, some do. They also flip the back of their hair up, some achieving a complete curl. Somehow most use enough hairspray or something to keep the lines from a comb or brush on the side of their head for a full 24 hour period. I don't know how they do this, but they do.

Another view of the flip in the back. Sometimes referred to the "duck butt".

I imagine some of the women who wear hairdo's like this spend close to an hour to put this together. I did the entire thing in less than one minute.

Tackle Football 2009

So we bought our season tickets yesterday for BYU Football 2009, and I've been thinking a lot about college football. Here are a few predictions and thoughts about college football.

1. The BCS is a mess. The hearings this summer didn't accomplish anything, and I doubt we see any change in the next decade. I think a playoff system would be best, but any change on the current system would be welcomed.

2. While we're talking about the BCS... Why is the Big East in the BCS? There are no good teams in that conference. I mean, West Virginia has had good teams, but they haven't earned their place in the BCS. Top to bottom the Mountain West is just as good as that conference, and probably better. I just don't get it.

3. BYU will probably lose to Oklahoma. But that doesn't mean I am not predicting the upset. BYU by 10. BYU was probably going to lose to Miami in 1990, Boise State was probably going to lose to OU, and Utah was probably going to lose to Alabama.. so even though our chances are slim, we still have a chance.

4. Old people suck. I just spent a bunch of money on tickets. One of the things that could ruin that for me is if I'm stuck in front of an old guy that yells at me for standing up. It seems to be an eternal struggle between generations... I don't care how many "procedures" you've had to have a blockage removed sir, this is a football game, and therefore I shall stand.

5. I'm excited for all Alyssa and my stupid superstitions and awesome traditions. We have some awesome ones.

• Shirts. I always wear my gray stretch Y t-shirt the day before a game. I always wear the "official gameday t-shirt" on the actual gameday. This is a newer tradition that only started during the "Fully Invested" year (2007).
• Night Before Game Meal. In 2007 me and a bunch of my friends ate at Del Taco the night before every game, except for the two that we lost. We decided that we needed to keep that tradition going last year. We moved to Village Inn, but after the TCU whooping we switched back to Del Taco. Even if we've lost using this superstition, going out late the night before the game is a ton of fun and we plan to keep this tradition going.
• Early arrival. We show up early to the games. I don't like to miss the Cougar Spell, but I will if I have to. On big games we like to tailgate before the games, and I plan to tailgate for most of the games this year. You are all invited, just bring something to contribute.
• CougarTail. The LaVell Edwards Stadium sells 24" long maple fritters called CougarTails. We always get and eat one before kickoff. They also sell some with a bratwurst in the middle and call it a BratTail... but I've never had enough guts to buy one.
• Lucky Urinal. I always stop by my lucky urinal before the game starts. This tradition goes back a few years. In 1996 when Texas A&M came to town, I drank like a gallon of water during the game. In the last minutes of the game I kept having to go take a leak. Any time I left, BYU seemed to score a touchdown. Each time I left, I used the same urinal. Now, before each game I make my pilgrimage to the Portal RR Men's room and use my Lucky Urinal.. you know, for luck.
• Stay to the End. The last game that I left early was the Utah game 2005. We lost in OT. I figure it has nothing to do with me, but it is important to me to stay to the end of the game, regardless of score. If we're getting a beatdown, I'll stay. If we're up 59-0 on UCLA... you bet I stuck around. I do not believe in the "Let's leave now and beat traffic" doctrine. I think it is weak, and Un-American.

The Derby

I love summer. One of my favorite things about summer is the Demolition derby.

I have missed out on recent demolition derbies for reasons I don't have good excuses for. After sitting through the Demolition Derby Saturday night, I recommitted myself to never missing one again.

If you haven't ever seen one, you need to. They're incredible.

Wrong Number

I've had my cell phone number since March of 2005, so I guess we just celebrated our 4 year anniversary together. We've been through a few phones together, but we're still holding strong. I sometimes get a call from people trying to call Doug, the mechanic. I know he is a mechanic because he is my Dad's mechanic. I'll get a call from a few people a month asking me how their 84 chev is coming, or if he has had the chance to look at the transmition in their 88 Dodge Stealth. Wrong numbers are understandable, and in Doug's case excusable. His number is only one digit away from mine. You would think, in the 4 years we've been together, I would stop getting calls for the guy that had my number before me, Randy.
I get calls for Randy pretty often. When I first got my phone it was a weekly occurrence. It makes me wonder if he failed to pay his bill or something the same afternoon I swooped into the system and stole it from him. The phonecalls tapered off gradually as time went on. I would spark up a conversation with the folks that would call him, to check if Randy was ok. I think some people thought it was weird that they were calling Randy to check in on him, and they just got a concerned stranger who hadn't heard from someone trying to talk of Randy in a long time. I got a phonecall for Randy today. The person looking for him didn't know if he was OK or not. I'm beginning to worry about him, and if he is still OK. I hope the Scientologists that called him a few months ago were able to talk to him. I wonder why he gave up my number. I wonder if he knows that the last digits spell BIOC (i pronounce it bee-yawtch!)I'm sure he never realized that. If he had, he would have never given it up. Or maybe he thinks its funny to put my number down at Scientology conventions just to make me mad.

If you know anyone named Randy, and he used to have my phone number, let him know I'm concerned.

Stories

So some of my friends like to poke fun of the fact that I can’t tell a story. They say I tell long boring stories that never get anywhere, and never have a point.

Every time they point that out, it reminds me of this guy I met on my mission…

Well I was serving in my second area, I had been out 6-7 months and I was serving in Pitsanulok. Pitsanulok was a fun town on a river. The river was great, there were people that lived on boats that doubled as houses. But it made for a lot of bridges in this city, and that wasn’t fun to bike over…

Especially…

When my bike didn’t come in from my first area for several weeks. See at the beginning of my mission we used a mailing system similar to UPS for mailing bikes. They weren’t very fast for mailing bikes. So I had to use the loaner bike for the first few weeks I was there. It was a little kid’s ten speed. I crashed it and almost died… the bike belonged to a great member family…

Which reminds me…

One time they took us out to a waterfall on P-day, and they also took us out to the Hmong village outside of the city. It was awesome, up in these hills away from everything. It was great to get away from the city…

Anyway…

The guy this whole blog is about lived by the bus station. It was funny how much of these cities outside of Bangkok were ruled by either a bus station, or a train station. Sometimes both. If the railroad went through a city, then the bus station was usually within walking distance of the train station. And that makes sense. Around the trains stations lots of businesses would thrive. 7-11s, CD stores, electronics stores, and even guitar stores were always centered around the bus station. I wonder if the businesses were there first or if the bus station was there first. I guess its like a chicken and an egg type thing.

And…

Eggs are another thing. I was in that city when the bird flue really took Thailand in 2004. Nobody ate chicken, or eggs for a few months. That was really sad, because Khaw Man Kai, was one of my favorite Thai dishes for breakfast. That was just chicken on top of a chicken-broth rice.

Anyway, this whole story was about this guy that wasn’t very good at telling stories. He couldn’t get to the point, and went off on tangents.

I don’t think I’m at all like him.

So on...

This is a song I wrote about our recent discussion, but I wrote it a while ago. The pictures are me just trying to be sweet for Valentine's Day.   

I've never been all that impressed by my singing... and neither has anyone else. But I have always been a huge fan of my wicked harmonica solo in the middle.

Take my wife... Please!

My wife blogged about her incorrect perception of our first date earlier this week.  In her blog, she committed libel by publishing incorrect information about how things actually are, in contrast to her own skewed, and wrong opinion.  If what she says is true, then I would have kissed her on our first date, but I surely would never commit such an act.  

She tried to sway her audience by talking on, and on, and on...(you think her blog is bad, you should live with her!) about how our date to Beowulf was actually a date, and how it differed from our date to the TCU game.  You will notice that I refer to our date to Beowulf as "our date" because it was in fact a date; but our date to the TCU game was also a date.  

To prove this I will examine the felicity conditions of a date, that is what makes a date a date? My simple answer and definition would be this: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.  A date usually has the connotation (particularly in our culture, and in this valley) of courtship.  And the third pillar of what makes a date a date, is there should be an activity.  Planning to hang out ahead of time on a couch watching TV meets two of the three requirements, but does not meet all three and is therefore, not a date.  

  Some, my wife included, would argue that one (usually the male) must pay for the other for it to be a date.  She even argues that I did not pay for her to get in, therefore it could not have been a date.  To that I say phooey.  I did not pay for her to get in, because I did not know her when she bought her all sports pass, and therefore am justified in not paying for the ticket to the TCU game.  In addition to that, I have long argued that while I did not pay the price of her admission, I did pay for a hot chocolate.  She admits this was a nice thing to do, and to that I say "you're friggin' welcome!"

In the history of dating, roommates have always been a thorn in every bachelor's side.  Shortly after the wheel was invented, the the third wheel was sure to follow.  While having a third wheel along for the ride can make for some awkward situations, the third wheel being there does not void a date's status.  

Because the TCU game fulfills all of the felicity conditions of what I, and the rest of the world consider to be a date, it is therefore a date.  

This chart shows how 100 people questioned about this date responded.

I have a theory as to why Alyssa refuses to admit she is wrong.  When on a date, one must chew gum while juggling chainsaws, and singing God Save the Queen..... in a manner of speaking.  You have to do a lot of things at the same time.  Listen to them talk, respond thoughtfully, look them in the eye, keep from farting, don't check out any other girls, don't text anyone, all while trying to look your best, smell your best and act your best to impress.  It can be quite intimidating.  Alyssa, dropped the ball.  She was a horrible date.  She gave her number to another guy, talked for about 20 minutes to a guy that was obviously interested in her that wasn't me, and played the "guess which candy-bar I'm thinking of as I caress your leg" with Kelson.  I think that she feels so horrible for being on such bad behavior on our first date that she has created this story that our first date was one where she was better behaved.

Better behaved? She still put out on what she thought was her first date.

I'm okay with that though.