Hampplesauce

The longest I’ve sat in the testing center is three hours. People may have taken longer. I would not wish it upon anyone, but I suppose it is possible to take a test for four hours. The longest I’ve gone without eating a bag of potato chips is somewhere around two and a half weeks. I am curious why students must open loud bags of chips to hold them over during tests. Are they that hungry?
Today I sat in the music room of the Testing Center and the quiet ambiance there was rudely interrupted by the crackle of a bag and crunch of a chip from a student in the seat furthest from me.
I do not fault the ignorant students for their blunders. If the Campus Vending Services supplied the Testing Center vending machines with more ‘quiet foods,’ test-time chip crunching might be diminished. Quiet foods such as fruit snacks, or astronaut foods in tubes (such as ham and applesauce or “hampplesauce”) would help. This would allow those who never broke the sacrament meeting cheerio habit to silently consume their treat like a phantom in the night, and me to take my test without more frustration than necessary.

Greater Purposes of BYU

The HBL Library has six floors filled with large tables for two reasons. First, students have a great facility for studying, and second, for picking up on girls. There are a few strategies in finding your eternal companion through this medium. One is to stand back, and wait for a seat next to a girl to open up, then take a chance. This is slow, and has produced little fruit. More radically is to draw them in. Leave a book unattended at the table to save your seat. Stand at the nearest stairwell and pretend to talk on your cell phone while watching your table. Wait until a cute girl sits down at your table, then return. Spark up a conversation and you’re in.

The third way is to find an empty table, and wait for them to come. I was waiting for Ms. Right today, throwing out the vibe, when another guy moved in and sat right across from me. Moments later Ms. Right walked by and chose another table. My play was flawless, but this guy ruined it for me. Guys should be more aware of what is going on around them, and understand the greater purposes of BYU.

Wear Orange

Most students may walk about unaware, but in the bushes there are vicious beasts waiting for the right moment to attack. According a letter dated October 27th; the “Campus deer problem” is getting out of hand, and needs to be addressed before someone gets hurt. Currently, the “Deer Mauling Count 2005” is steady at a whooping total of one close call.

Deer have come down from the Y Mountain to BYU for years to feed on the flowers, and bother students unceasingly. Years ago I saw several deer jump across 900 East late one night into the MTC, a whole pack of the monsters probably going to attack some unsuspecting Elder, or BYU coed.

The truth is, there is no way to “take the problem of deer on campus seriously.” Short of supplying campus ground crew members with crash orange and .30-30s, or releasing real live cougars (not just you and me, but real mountain lions) on campus to deal with the pesky deer, I don’t see a tactful solution to it. I suppose we’ll just have to press forward, and allow our brethren to be mauled and trampled by them ruthless deer, and find something else to complain about.