Clap

The end of the semester is here. Classrooms that had remained only halfway full through the middle of the semester are now full again like in the first week of class. It seems like the Daily Universe was saving several good letters to the editor for today, knowing it would be the last day to run anything controversial before everyone goes home for the holidays. Today's topics included a recent convert that was thanking BYU for confirming that mormonism wasn't technically a christian religion, someone complaining about the University's efforts and tactics in lowering student traffic related fatalities during the holidays and another person critisizing BYU for "worshiping" Gordon B. Hinkley by naming the new building after him before he passes away. Because we would never want to pay tribute to any of the brethern while they were alive after all.

But the most interresting thing about the end of the semester is the "Last Day of Class Applause." I don't qute understand this tradition's roots, and I am curuious if it occurs at other Universities. My only other experience with post-high school education wasn't at a university, it was at Utah Valley State College for a semester prior to my mission. I don't remember anything like this happening there, but I was only there for a semester, and nobody liked any of my professors, so that could have played a factor. My first class at BYU was a biology class during a Spring semester, and I sat there confussed with my deer in the headlights look as everyone around me dropped everything and applauded Dr. Robertson right after he bore his testimony.....this was something new to me.

Today I was thrown back into that same place as right as my New Testiment teacher had finished sharing his testimony with us, and right after we said "amen" the class burst into a thunderous applause. Is this going to be on the final? Will I be docked for not applauding? Is a bousterous applause college's equivillance to Elementary School's red apple? Is this a nationwide thing? What do they do at Gallaudet University? Doesn't it make more sense to applaud at the beginning of the semester rather than the end? By now there is probably little to be done to effect grades one way or another in most of these classes, so trying to gain your professor's favor is basically useless. Shouldn't applause be saved for someplace like a football game....? or....

Maybe next semester I'll incorperate more sporting spectator actions to gain the respect and love of my professor throughout the semester. Here's a list of things I could do:

1. Giant sign that reads: "Dr. Smith 3:16"
2. Giant foam finger
3. Sell popcorn, peanuts, and beer
4. Boo and Cheer and heckle other student's comments
5. Hire cheerleaders
6. Find out my professor's favorite colors and paint my face accordingly
7. Get a group of guys to paint letters on their bellies spelling out the professor's last name
8. Hold up a sign that encorperates the topic of the class using the letters ESPN, ABC, NBC, or CBS.
9. Heckle the TA with things like, "Are you blind?!? How did I not congigate that verb!!!"
10. On the last day of class, give the professor the traditional "Gatorate Bath"

I figure if professors like the applause on the last day, they'll love these antics.... my GPA should soar!!!

The BCS does it again

Well the computers have done it again. Ohio State will play a Florida team that many people do not think should go to the National Championship game. Did the computers make the right call? The only real way we can know is to play a playoff.

In recent years the mid-major conferences(the MWC, WAC, MAC, Conf. USA, etc.) have produced teams that show up in the top ten, and deserve a chance to dance with the big boys. With the new BCS rules, mid-major conferance champions who rank higher than 12 in the BCS poll can be eligable for a BCS game. Boise State crashed the party this year, and was the first to take advantage of this new rule. In 2004 a team from the MWC, I forget exactly who it was, went to the fiesta bowl and tattoed Pittsburgh, the Big East champion.

So, like many of the Sportscenter pundits, i too propse a play-off. a 16 team, 4 week play-off that ensures the national championship the integrity and respect of other NCAA sanctioned sports. Football is after all, the only sport the NCAA sanctions, that it does not sponsor a national championship.

In my tournament, each conference is given an opportunity to play. If a team ranks in the top 25 of the BCS poll, and wins its conference, they are eligable for the tournament. There are 11 conferences, but two would not have qualified this year. This would require each conference to come up with a true champion, and no shared championships. There are 11 conferences, but two would not qualify this year, because they were not in the top 25. So the 9 conference champions, and 6 at large teams would battle it out for the National Championship. I would have 2 Brackets, and 8 seeds each bracket. Seeding would be based off the BCS rankings. This year the first round matchups would look something like this:



The tournament like any tournament could go any way.


Play these games at the home sites on December 16th, then the second round again at home sites on December 23rd. The third round would be at BCS cities, on January 1st, and then the National Championship game two weeks later on January 9th.

Its what needs to happen. Football is too great a sport to not have a real Champion crowned every year.

Forever in Blue Jeans

At the end of July I got a new job at UPS. Its a great job. I get paid pretty well, great benefits and get a great work out every night for three to four hours. Consiquently, I am in the best shape I've been in for the better part of five years. The problem with this is I have lost 15-20 pounds since last winter and now none of my pants fit. Because of my recent Anna-Nicole trimspa transformation I have been shopping with Anne for a new pair of jeans that fit. Finding a pair has not been easy.
We were been trying to replace the one pair of jeans i do have that she likes. They were Levi brand...apparently frowned up on by the Nordsrom shopping, name-brand community. The most I had ever spent on a pair of jeans was 40 bucks at American Eagle. I was willing to put down a few bucks on a good pair of jeans if it fit right. So we started looking. We looked at stores like Buckle, Banana Republic, Nordstrom, Gap, American Eagle and found little that looked very good. I tried on really expensive jeans like Sevens and Citizen of Humanity, but nothing fit right. Now those jeans are a size too big. The jeans I tried on ranged from 60-120 bucks a pop.

I tried on all sorts of types of jeans. Slim fit, streight leg, tight fit, boot cut and relaxed. I learned a lot from trying them on, but none of the jeans "looked good" according to Anne. I would try on a pair, walk out of my dressing room and she'd look at me and say, "those are ok..."

"Those are ok..." is roughly translated to, "yuk, you look terrible." At first when she said, "those are ok," I responded, "Sweet! we found 'em let's buy them!"

No such luck. shopping is a bit more complicated than this.

We were at Macy's and we decided to try on a pair of Levi brand Jeans. 30 bucks...fit like a glove.

I am cursed to buying cheap jeans for the rest of my life.... and I couldn't be happier. Only if Anne was blessed with this same curse...

Hampplesauce

The longest I’ve sat in the testing center is three hours. People may have taken longer. I would not wish it upon anyone, but I suppose it is possible to take a test for four hours. The longest I’ve gone without eating a bag of potato chips is somewhere around two and a half weeks. I am curious why students must open loud bags of chips to hold them over during tests. Are they that hungry?
Today I sat in the music room of the Testing Center and the quiet ambiance there was rudely interrupted by the crackle of a bag and crunch of a chip from a student in the seat furthest from me.
I do not fault the ignorant students for their blunders. If the Campus Vending Services supplied the Testing Center vending machines with more ‘quiet foods,’ test-time chip crunching might be diminished. Quiet foods such as fruit snacks, or astronaut foods in tubes (such as ham and applesauce or “hampplesauce”) would help. This would allow those who never broke the sacrament meeting cheerio habit to silently consume their treat like a phantom in the night, and me to take my test without more frustration than necessary.

Greater Purposes of BYU

The HBL Library has six floors filled with large tables for two reasons. First, students have a great facility for studying, and second, for picking up on girls. There are a few strategies in finding your eternal companion through this medium. One is to stand back, and wait for a seat next to a girl to open up, then take a chance. This is slow, and has produced little fruit. More radically is to draw them in. Leave a book unattended at the table to save your seat. Stand at the nearest stairwell and pretend to talk on your cell phone while watching your table. Wait until a cute girl sits down at your table, then return. Spark up a conversation and you’re in.

The third way is to find an empty table, and wait for them to come. I was waiting for Ms. Right today, throwing out the vibe, when another guy moved in and sat right across from me. Moments later Ms. Right walked by and chose another table. My play was flawless, but this guy ruined it for me. Guys should be more aware of what is going on around them, and understand the greater purposes of BYU.

Wear Orange

Most students may walk about unaware, but in the bushes there are vicious beasts waiting for the right moment to attack. According a letter dated October 27th; the “Campus deer problem” is getting out of hand, and needs to be addressed before someone gets hurt. Currently, the “Deer Mauling Count 2005” is steady at a whooping total of one close call.

Deer have come down from the Y Mountain to BYU for years to feed on the flowers, and bother students unceasingly. Years ago I saw several deer jump across 900 East late one night into the MTC, a whole pack of the monsters probably going to attack some unsuspecting Elder, or BYU coed.

The truth is, there is no way to “take the problem of deer on campus seriously.” Short of supplying campus ground crew members with crash orange and .30-30s, or releasing real live cougars (not just you and me, but real mountain lions) on campus to deal with the pesky deer, I don’t see a tactful solution to it. I suppose we’ll just have to press forward, and allow our brethren to be mauled and trampled by them ruthless deer, and find something else to complain about.